Presidential Bro Time

Anyone who knows our family knows that Presidents’ Day is a big holiday in our house. All of our children are named after presidents, not because we are super political, but because my husband and I love history. (Yes we are that dorky!) Every Presidents’ Day I dress the kids up in patriotic outfits, sit them on our couch, and take a picture of their adorable smiling faces.

President’s Day family photos circa 2016 and 2018...I’m guessing you see the trend

I am by no means an expert on American History, but do love a good history documentary every now and then (because again, yes, I am a super dork). Sometimes I think about what it would be like if some of our forefathers were here today, even just for one day. I wonder how they would respond to our technology driven society, rich with social media and constant news cycles. Here’s my tongue and cheek idea of what it would look like if Presidents Washington, Adams, Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, JKF, and Reagan met up in 2019 for a bro’s night at a local pub.

Guess these sucker fools haven't heard of UBER

George Washington sits at the bar amazed by the insanely large contraption that hangs on the wall behind the barkeep. Not only does it have a moving pictures, but it talks. He asks the bartender, pointing to the TV, “What is that?”, to which she happily replies, “Independence Day. What? You’ve never seen it?”. George assures her that he has seen Independence Day, and this surely was not it.

George is confused

George tries to get his friend John Adams to help him with this misunderstanding, but can’t seem to get John’s attention. You see, John Adams sees about five different beers named after his cousin, Sam Adams, that are being served on draft.

Yummy!

He’s in awe and keeps asking all the workers and patrons if they’ve met his cousin. He is so excited he buys a round for everyone in the bar!

No one is happier than Norm, hahaha. If you don’t get this reference, start watching quality television at once. The full series of Cheers can be found on Netflix.

Teddy Roosevelt, in his usual bigger than life style, is the one that organized this shindig, and he wants to get everyone out on the dance floor. Lincoln excitedly runs over to the DJ and requests his new favorite tune “Freedom” by Beyonce. Almost instantly Lincoln comes into contact with a patron who is upset by his choice of music. This individual asks Lincoln why he didn’t choose “New Slaves” by Kanye West. Lincoln, feeling all songs are equal and should be played as such, is confused by this, until he finds out that the upset patron is in fact Kanye West himself, and Lincoln just walks away.

Kanye seriously, shut your mouth

Teddy Roosevelt is too giddy and excited to wait for the Lincoln/Kanye dispute to end and picks out his own tune to request from the DJ, “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus. He hits the  dance floor with enthusiasm. He soon begins to show off his champion boxing moves to others on the dance floor in a playful kind of way.

Martin Lawrence you silly mofo... love you

Unfortunately, in today’s day and age this doesn't go well, and he is arrested. Teddy Roosevelt was the former police commissioner of New York, and now he’s going to the slammer.

Even Mr. T says ‘tough break dude’

As Roosevelt is being escorted out of the bar he yells out to his buddy Reagan for some back up. Reagan, who was a successful actor and then later became our 40th President, has just found out about Instagram. Reagan, with his charming lovable demeanor, is a huge hit with every millennial at the bar. He is enamored with taking selfies with patrons and posting stories to Insta, and unfortunately too busy to hear Roosevelt being taken away. Reagan has gotten up to 20,000 insta followers in just one hour, but he’s suspicious of some. Being the President who helped end the Cold War, he’s worried some may be Russian spies and feels the need to ‘trust but verify’ before following them back.

Okay that “trust but verify” quote might have been a tad dorkier than I thought. Made me laugh! Learn your history peeps!

Reagan goes to show Kennedy his new Insta account and to take a selfie with him. When he finally finds Kennedy, Kennedy is in booth. He's convinced some women that it’s his birthday and they are all singing to him.

Reagan does verify on Insta that this particular person is not a woman, but in fact is The Dude, His Dudness, Duder, El Duderino.

Reagan goes to find Lincoln who is getting chewed out by Martha on his cell phone. She had made them dinner reservations and is upset he went out with the boys. Reagan assures Lincoln not to worry, and by this point all the Presidents have gathered around. They all tell him to get her theater tickets and make it up to her another night. Lincoln is happy with the idea, and orders another round for his bros.

If there is one thing in history that has not changed, it’s that when a gentleman's significant other is mad a him, he shouldn’t take advice from his friends. Bad move Lincoln!

All in all, I think the presidents would have a great time in 2019 having a bro night at a local pub. Even though the country is a little different from our founding days in the late 1700’s, some things have stayed the same. Things like conversing and forming relationships with your local bartender, buying rounds for friends, requesting fun songs and dancing on the dance floor until we drop (or get arrested), meeting new people, and taking photos to commemorate the night. We at H-Bomb Ties hope that you enjoy your President’s Day as much as we do. Whether you are an avid historian, or not at all, we hope this blog made you smile on this busy Monday.

And don’t forget it’s always important to:

Now that’s funny shit

Happy President’s Day from H-Bomb Ties, Ltd.